i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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