The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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