just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
