My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
