Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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