Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
