i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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