I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
