i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
