The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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