You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
