This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
