How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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