I feel like abortions should bother me more
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
