Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize