Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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