pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Couch. On fire.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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