Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
