I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
