I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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