My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You ruined the universe
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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