i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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