Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
