I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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