Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
