Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
id be glad to
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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