If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
