I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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