and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
