So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
