umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
