I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
