the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
that's an acceptable place to lick
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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