You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
there was a trapeze. enough said
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
