PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
