I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
third nipple confirmed
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize