he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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