a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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