I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it hurts more in the daytime
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
