I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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