Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
