this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
