I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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