I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
