'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
