You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
