I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize