You're completely useless in the revolution.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
