he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
