Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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