Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
