we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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