so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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