I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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