Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
