please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
