i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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