So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
