I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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