So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
