So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Holy shit dude........stairs
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
