wrigley field is MILF paradise
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
