i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize