My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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