Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
