Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
