Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize