I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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