its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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