just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
