I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
