She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
