Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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