i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
