Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
