Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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